Part 2
Realising that I needed other guides was a big step forward –
A door had opened.
But the problem was that I had little idea where to turn: The local pagan community had given me support, but as anyone with this experience knows there is only so far others can lead you. The library had already given up all it could offer in this area.
I had struggled and read and asked all the rational questions that were
possible, and now it seemed as though I had come to the end of the road. For weeks I wrestled with the problem, tied
up in my need to find signs, a map, a guide – something to tell me where to
step next, how to lead myself out of the maze.
I spent the summer plagued by insomnia as I lay awake thinking. Most nights, I eventually gave up trying to
sleep and walked for hours, alone in the early hours of the morning – bathed in
moonlight and soaking up the silence of the sleeping city streets. My summer
job suffered, my friends thought I was cracking up, and maybe they were almost
right.
